Other thanthe burgeoning baby bump appearing in my last post, I've basically skirted around addressing our unbelievably exciting news on here. Absolutely over-the-moon to say Olly and I are expecting our first baby this autumn – which brings with it emotions of complete joy and utter disbelief every day!
This was the first project I shot (with jewellery brand Kiki Mcdonough) on crawling out of my morning sickness cave and whilst, at most angles, there are no telltale signs of a bump at this stage, the overriding feeling I remember was the sheer relief of being up and about, talking to people, and feeling a bit more like myself again.
I'm now well into my second trimester and feeling not just like a human again but pretty great. Though I thought I'd share a few of the feelings I went through back when everything was still underwraps. We made the decision to keep it entirely to ourselves and harboured our little secret for two months before even breaking the news to our families. Don't get me wrong, nothing can usurp the dizzying joy of discovering you have a baby on the way (I read somewhere it's the happiest reason for feeling like crap which rang true). I'll never forget calling Olly at work and his disbelieving reaction when I broke the news, which just sounded like I was joking. But the first trimester can be a cruel mistress and it wasn't long until she took hold; here are a couple of the things she had in store for me:
– Intense fatigue. I quickly gave into the fight and surrendered to the uncontrollable urge to go 100% off grid. In bed for a month day and night; progressed to the sofa for two weeks after that
– Permanent hunger that trickily came hand in hand with a complete aversion to all foods; the thought alone of meat, fish, vegetables, eggs or anything with a remote idea or sophistication or flavour had me curling my toes. I remember thinking Asian food – ordinarily a firm favourite – sounded like the pits. So it was bananas and bread round-the-clock, including many a 4am pitstop
– Nose of a bloodhound: Olly eating supper in a separate room with two doors closed between us became a hard-and-fast rule. Also not welcome: dirty tube smell, dirty dog smell, shower gel, shampoo... and pretty much every other smell under the sun
– Lack of drive and generally not feeling myself
I'm writing this several weeks on and, while it can feel relentless and like it'll go on forever (especially when you're not sure if and when it will stop), once it starts to subside it's actually quite hard to remember what your symptoms even were. So to all you brave women out there also nurturing your secret, hang onto that excitement, there's a bright and beaming light at the end of the tunnel. There'll be a lot of opinions and voices but do things your own way.